


Walls

by anonymous_moose



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_moose/pseuds/anonymous_moose
Summary: The end of a raucous evening out on the town of Goldcliff takes a turn for the therapeutic.Taako is honest for once. Kravitz confesses a fear. A promise is made, and kept.





	Walls

Kravitz stirred, breathing in the scent of clean sheets and lingering hints of Lobster Thermidor. He opened his eyes and was surprised to find the sun hadn't risen yet. He turned over in the bed and finding it empty, sat up and glanced around the room.

The Goldcliff Hotel and Casino was a five-star establishment by any reasonable metric, and their room was no exception; two-room suite with a king-size bed, dining table, even a wet bar in the corner. Kravitz half-expected to see Taako picking at what remained of the feast they'd ordered at the close of the evening; an evening spent gambling, drinking, dancing, and carrying on in all the ways Kravitz had come to love during his extended stay in the material plane.

But Taako wasn't there. It wasn't until Kravitz looked out the window that he saw him, clad in the hotel's soft cotton bathrobe, and leaning on the railing of their eleventh-floor balcony. Kravitz pushed himself to his feet and slipped into his pajama pants. Then he slid open the glass door and stepped out to join him.

Taako's ear flicked, once, and he turned his head. His eyes were half-lidded, weary, even a tad bloodshot. It was then that Kravitz noticed the smoke rising above his head, thin vaporous tendrils billowing away in the desert breeze. Kravitz took a step forward and saw the long-stemmed pipe in Taako's hand.

Smoke was a vice that Taako only indulged in when he was feeling particularly out of sorts, but after the evening they'd had, the good spirits, Taako's constant laughter and his enthusiasm when they finally retired for the evening... seeing him in this state was not something Kravitz ever enjoyed, but on this night of all nights, it worried him.

Taako canted his head. "Hey."

"Something the matter?" Kravitz asked as calmly as he could, stepping beside him.

Taako shrugged and took a hit, holding it in and exhaling slowly. "Nah. I'm cool."

His eyes were hooded and his expression flat, but Kravitz had known the man long enough to know what was a facade and what wasn't. He leaned on the railing, shoulder to shoulder with him, and gave a pointed look at the pipe in his hand. Taako frowned and turned away, and Kravitz sighed.

Even now, Taako could frustrate. Kravitz had thought, after years of marriage, of cohabitation, that he would have accepted Taako's emotional reticence as simply part of their relationship. But while he had always been tolerant of it, even understood why, the glimpses he had seen of something else made it all the more frustrating when Taako pulled away.

It was like a garden — unruly, untended, and a little out of control, but beautiful. Singular. And whenever Kravitz drew close, walls sprang up around it. He had to fight tooth and nail to get past those walls, even when all he wanted to do was help it grow.

Taako took another slow drag off his pipe and let the smoke trail from his nose. Kravitz waited patiently, as he always did. Taako exhaled and shook his head.

"Had a bad dream," he mumbled, looking down at the city stretching out below.

Kravitz nodded slowly. Last time he'd seen the pipe, it had been dreams then, too. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Wouldn't help."

"Have you ever tried?" he asked pointedly.

Taako shot a glare at him, which Kravitz merely cocked an eyebrow at. He took another short drag and blew it out. The smoke drifted off on the cool desert breeze.

"It was gone," Taako said finally.

Kravitz waited for him to continue, and when he didn't, prompted, "What was gone?"

"Everything. Everyone." Taako stared off at the horizon, refusing to look Kravitz in the eye. "You. Angus. Lup. Magnus and Merle. The whole Bureau. The money, the house, the wagons. All of it, just–"

Taako snapped his fingers.

"Gone."

He tapped the stem of the pipe against his palm. There was a tension in his hands Kravitz hadn't noticed until that moment, a stiffness in his fingers, a whiteness around the knuckles.

"I woke up, and I was back in that same cheap room in that same shitty tavern I was in twelve years ago, with nothing but the clothes on my back and a wand I'd stolen off a drunk warlock."

Taako looked down at the pipe in his hand, like he'd just realized what he was doing, and wrapped his hand around the stem.

"It was so real. The threadbare sheets, the holes in my clothes. I could smell it, even. Stale beer and a twinge of vomit. I woke up in that bed and it was like... none of it was real. None of it happened." He shook his head and sighed angrily. "Stupid."

Kravitz brushed Taako's hand with the back of his finger and said nothing. He had learned long ago to be careful with his affection at times like these, lest Taako interpret it as pity or patronizing. Taako stared at his hand and swallowed audibly, still refusing to make eye contact.

"Long time ago, I remember thinking I didn't deserve the good things in my life," Taako admitted quietly, like it was a sacrilege. "Horseshit. I earned this. I earned every bit of this. I–"

He cut himself off and took a breath. "Stupid," he repeated.

"I don't think so."

Taako looked at him, then, with an odd expression; curious, open, without pretense. Like he'd forgotten to put up a wall. Maybe it was the smoke, maybe it was the evening they'd had. Or maybe, Kravitz hoped, Taako had simply begun to understand that he didn't need the walls so much anymore.

Kravitz straightened and braced his hands against the railing. He was distantly aware of how cool the wrought iron was.

"I've had similar fears," he said. "Not the same, but..."

He looked at Taako, who nodded almost imperceptibly for him to continue.

"I get these... anxieties. Rarely, now, but still. Usually when I'm alone for too long, at work or otherwise stuck in my own head. I think of what your life was like before we met, and what it was like after. I think of how free-spirited you are, and I wonder if I don't weigh you down."

Kravitz drummed his fingers on the railing and realized he was avoiding eye contact just as Taako had. He hadn't intended to tell him this, not tonight, maybe not ever. But Taako had been open with him, had confessed what was on his mind without Kravitz having to drag it from him kicking and screaming, and it was only fair that he return that in kind.

"I worry sometimes that this isn't serious for you," he said plainly. "That it's just some long-term fling. I worry that one day I'll wake up, or come home, and you won't be there. No note, no call, no warning. Just—"

His breath caught in his throat for a moment, and Kravitz exhaled sharply.

"Gone."

Taako was silent and still. Kravitz looked down at the city below, at the shorter roof to their left that was likely an apartment building, and the sheer drop of the cliff to the right. At the expanse of the city beyond the crag that Goldcliff sat upon, smaller buildings stretching out into suburbs until there was nothing but bare desert. In the distance, he thought he could see the pylons marking the battlewagon track.

"Sometimes I imagine you taking everything that's yours, leaving the house empty and hollow. But worse are the times you don't take anything. Because it means none of it meant anything to you." Kravitz huffed a humorless laugh. "You know I actually worried about this more after we were properly married? Senseless."

Taako shifted beside him, pulling away. Kravitz stiffened and gripped the railing.

"I didn't mean to insult you."

"You didn't," Taako replied, voice muffled.

Kravitz turned and looked at him. Taako had stuck the pipe in his mouth and cupped his hands around a produced flame above the bowl. As smoke puffed from his mouth, he snuffed the flame and plucked the pipe from between his teeth.

"Had to relight," he said simply, leaning his elbows on the railing again before offering Kravitz the pipe.

Kravitz felt a wave of tension leave him, and he leaned next to Taako and bumped his shoulder as he took the pipe from his hand. He took a long drag, and coughed a little on the exhale; it tasted vaguely of strawberries. The corner of Taako's mouth twitched up.

"Honestly kinda flattered I still give off that vibe," he said casually as Kravitz passed the pipe back. "Figured I'd lost that years ago."

Kravitz chuckled softly, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Of course you are."

"Ol' Love 'Em and Leave 'Em Taako, huh."

"Yes, indeed. A real kiss-'em-and-miss-'em type."

Taako turned and smiled oddly at him. "'Scuse me?"

"It's a saying."

"No it isn't."

"It is."

"Show me one person who says that."

Kravitz slowly glanced around them at empty air, then raised a finger and pointed at himself. Taako snorted and smacked him in the chest.

"Bonehead," he said affectionately. "Dumber than that rhyming slang you tried to teach me."

"I take offense to that," Kravitz replied, affecting an accent. "You're in right barney now, mate."

Taako laughed. It was a full-bodied laugh, lilting and musical, and it made Kravitz feel warm in a way nothing else did. He laughed along with him, and enjoyed the moment until it passed. The silence that followed was a slack, comfortable one.

With a final drag and a lazy smoke ring, Taako turned the pipe upside down and tapped it against the railing. The ash fell out and blew away, separating into flecks and particles of grey long before it reached the ground. Taako fiddled with the empty pipe, cradling it in his hands, tracing its length with his fingers.

"Not gonna leave you, rabbit," he said quietly.

Kravitz replied, as quietly, "I know."

Taako's expression hardened. When he looked at Kravitz, there was an intensity there he hadn't expected.

"I don't promise much," he said. "Promises are shit. They're just words, they don't mean anything."

He reached out and took one of Kravitz's hands in his.

"But I'll say the words, if you want me to."

Kravitz swallowed, straightened and rested a hand on the back of Taako's neck. He shivered beneath the touch, but didn't complain.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, love."

Taako's expression softened. He pushed away from the railing and pulled Kravitz into a hug. Kravitz felt his mouth on his shoulder, warm breaths on his neck, and he felt content.

"You're not alone anymore," he said. "I've got you."

He felt Taako's breath hitch, only for a moment, before he pressed a kiss to Kravitz's collarbone.

"Never leaving. Promise."

Kravitz's own breath left him for a moment. He smiled and tightened the embrace.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you."

He felt Taako smile against his neck before murmuring two words, quietly, privately, like they were a secret meant only for him.

"Love you."

Kravitz carded his fingers through Taako's hair, ducked his head and whispered in his ear the only thing that mattered in that moment.

"I love you, too."

They would stay on that balcony until morning. Taako would fetch a bottle of wine from the bar, and they would sit and drink and talk and laugh until the sun rose. They wouldn't sleep, not because they couldn't, but because they didn't wish to. Because they had each other's company.

Kravitz would remember that night for a long, long time, as the night the last of the walls between them finally began to collapse.


End file.
